He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
