Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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