sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
