WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
