Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
