Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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