So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
