There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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