she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
