I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
