Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
