it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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