I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
