I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
