i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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