how do flat chested girls get laid?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
