Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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