A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
