Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
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do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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