Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
