Your face is a jimmy john
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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