It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
