apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
