I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
