i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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