Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
