Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
