Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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