Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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