Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
