Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
