so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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