the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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