I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
