I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
