she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
