Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
