in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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