Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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