You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
