I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
