does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
