He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
