some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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