im six kinds of drunk right now
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
