Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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