i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
