So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
