She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
