anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
