I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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