I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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