I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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