she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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