So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my shit smells like andre
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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