There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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