I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize