we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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