i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
