is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
well you can't waste a boner
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
