are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
