I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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