I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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