Don't you send me to vm
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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