A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
