last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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