I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
