Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So squirting runs in the family.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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